Decorating Blues

I just have to make a post here about today. I have a house. It’s been around for about 15 or 16 years. It had one set of owners before my husband and I bought it a year ago this month. I don’t know much about the previous people, other than the fact that they had two kids, were accountants, and that the Mrs. practically kissed the $42,000 check they received one all the stuff was paid off at the closing table.

Oh, yeah. I know one other thing about them. Just an itty bitty teeny tiny thing. Almost of no consequence. Here it is: they never seemed to know what the screaming cheetah wheelies they were doing whenever they decided to do, well, anything around the house.

Observe (well, you can’t now, but I will find and post pics when I can get to them) the nasty nasty colors of all the walls. Pics look much better than reality. That blue master bedroom? It was a bruise colored cavern at night. That green, that horrible atomic green? It took MANY coats of primer to get rid of it; Kilz couldn’t even touch it. The little blue bedroom? Well, in that room, and in most others, I might add, someone did the dumbest thing you can possibly do inside a house besides hire O’Reilly (and Not Mr. Stubbs). They, god, you’re going to love this. Someone must have gotten a Really Bright Idea one day. They thought that they could cure the drafty nature of a house with a heat pump by…here it comes…globbing on huge wodges of caulk around every window. Do you see where this is going? Yep, you got it. Silicon caulk. Not…..Painter’s…..Caulk….. Of course, then when The Accountants decided to paint (with the $3 cans of mismixes from the Hellish Depot that we found lurking in the garage when we moved in, no less!) they made the discovery of the freaking century. You Can’t Paint Over Silicon Caulk. DUH! Oh, crap, what shall we do now? Would you like to know what they did? Well, I’ll tell you, shall I? Nothing! Not even an electronic sausage! (Wow, two obscure references in one paragraph! Well, roger me sideways and call me Family Guy.)

So, here I am, trying to banish the dirty, poor quality blue paint from the tiniest non-powder room in the whole world, and I grind to a halt wondering how the bloody hell you get silicon caulk off a pained aluminum window frame and off of the surrounding drywall. It was even too much to expect that they apply a proper bead of caulk, by the way. It literally looks like they applied the caulk with a kitchen spatula, or perhaps a used makeup wedge–it’s smeared all over the inside of the window frame, with revolting 3 inch wide streamers of blue paint that chip off the foul stuff at the slightest touch. All of it has to come off before I can paint. I have until Thursday at noon before I go back to work. I spent hours tonight and I think I got about a tenth of it off. Grr! The Accountants ears should be burning, because I was cussing them out steadily for about four hours. Poor people. I hope that living with their hideous paint job was worth all the time and money they saved by 1) buying $3 cans of mismixed paint and b) not driving over to the Hellish Depot to buy a $2 tube of painter’s caulk.

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